that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
