the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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