she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
40s are totally the cure
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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