Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
