I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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