i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
