So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
