I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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