Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
