WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
