Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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