Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
