Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
