Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
