If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
