4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This baby is an asshole
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
