can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize