When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
