Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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