dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
