I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
