I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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