That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
