I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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