well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
