New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
