Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
