Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
