Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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