12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
