evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
...so i touched it.
there's paper in my vomit.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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