I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
