she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize