do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I AM VODKA MAN
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
