OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
