I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
