Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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