Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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