I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
