i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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