i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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