So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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