I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
