How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
