we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize