I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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