just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
