Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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