it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
