i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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