Where is the hickey?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
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