I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
