Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
where does the pee come out of this thing
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
