It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
be right there i have to get my cape
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
