At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
