our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
