And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't deserve a penis
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
