It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
