I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Where is the hickey?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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