Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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