Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
