Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
