i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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