it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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