Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize