Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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