I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
