life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
