mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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