my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
