Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
