dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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