I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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