His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
