Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
