it was like his penis was on wheels.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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